Posted in Adoption, Family, General

Adoption Update

What can I say?

Its been nearly a year now since we brought LO home. Its been a very trying time. We have emotional ups and down. In short it has been very hard work. Much harder than we expected.

At first this was down to adjustments. We were adjusting to having two kids in the house. This is a lot more than twice the work – trust me. On top of that was the way that Alexander reacted to having the brother he had long been craving. Suffice to say it was completely the opposite to what we expected.

We also had to adjust to having an older child than we were expecting – and that took probably the longest.

On top of that his behaviour was very different from what we were used to with Alexander. Not to say it was bad but just very different. The ways we dealt with Alexander’s behaviour just was not working with him. He pushes boundaries – like any child. But when we deal with that it did not seem to stop him. He just kept going back and doing the same things over an over again.

he is a very physical child – loves climbing – ANYTHING! Jumping and running – as such is often sporting a bruise when the social workers arrive!

All this has added up to them not putting forward the court application until we have found a way to establish boundaries they are happy with. Quite what that means or what they want to see to prove to them that it is the case they are more vague about.

The result is that in respect of the system we are feeling quite down at the moment – its seems a never-ending slog with no real end in sight and it’s quite depressing. They are not seeing the progress we are making.

Away from “the system” – we feel happier. When it’s just down to what is happening in our little family unit we feel much better now than we he first arrived. (We never felt bad! Just a bit overwhelmed sometimes.) We have now changed our approach to setting boundaries and its beginning to take effect. He is much calmer, more well-behaved and communicates for more than when he arrived.

From day one he was settled and there is no doubt in his mind we are his mummy and daddy now. He is equally at ease with the rest of the family. He and his brother now get along (as well as any brothers do – which is to say they are often fighting – but its at pretty normal levels now). Alexander loves him and is devoted to and proud of him. We feel much more in control now.

So it’s not all gloom and doom. I think we feel much happier though when we get that seal of approval from the court. There is now way we would back out now. We will do whatever it takes to get there!


Scott Bailey is a freelance writer, author and blogger. His works include the dystopian novel “Mankind Limited”, Thirteen Tales – a collection of Ghost Stories and “A Spring of Dreams” collection of poetry. His blogging ranges across family articles, poetry and short stories and even the odd book or movie review.

4 thoughts on “Adoption Update

  1. I bet that is difficult. Waiting on the courts to give you rights to the child you know belongs in your family. It sounds like you are doing everything right. Hopefully the system will see that soon, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s amazing isn’t it how much effort is required to prove yourself as worthy in this process when there are natural parents who don’t do a fraction of what you have to and wouldn’t pass the bar. I know it’s necessary to ensure due process and that they and you have to be seen to be doing everything possible for the right reasons but it must be so difficult being on tenterhooks awaiting the result. You sound as if you’re doing a great job with both your children and soon you will, hopefully, be able to get on with doing just that without the pressure of performance and waiting. All the best.

    Liked by 1 person

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